So while i was at work today i asked someone the date, and they told me it was October 18th. That date made me oddly reflective, suddenly i saw everything that had happened within the last two years flash through my mind. It was such a weird moment, but a moment i wouldn't change for the world because i realized how much has changed and how much i've grown.
2 years ago i was talking to one of my best friends and saying goodbye to him. He was getting set apart in a couple of hours for his mission and it was really hard because life for two years would be weird without him. I paced infront of my apartment in Wyview holding the phone to my ear and at loss for words. He told me to take care of myself and when i said i'd see him in two years he laughed and said "Sure". There is a long list of those suckers that thought i would be married when they were back, none of them believed me when i told them they were hilarious and wrong.
Within those two years i have made some of the best friends i could have asked for. I started college not knowing anyone and thrown into this new life of balancing life and school. It was really really hard at first but i think i've got the hang of it :) Sleepless nights talking with my roommate and bonding over the dumbest things. I wouldn't trade those nights for the world, they are everything to me. Meeting new people through BYUSA, classes, wards, and random happenstance has changed my life.
School sucks, always has, but i love learning. I love that moment where everything clicks for me and suddenly i'm on top of the world. I've had lessons from teachers that have changed my life and made me see the world in a whole new perspective.
In the last 2 years i've fallen in and out of love, and let me tell you...Love is what can make you feel on top of the world, like suddenly everything makes sense, and suddenly you belong in a sense you could have never imagined. But it isn't easy, not at all. You have to constantly work at it, if it's going to be the kind of love that's going to last. Sometimes it falls apart...and having that heartache that came at the end of all of it was one of the worst pains i've ever felt. It leaves you feeling like suddenly you can't breathe, nothing makes sense any more, and you don't understand why anyone would ever love if it hurt this much. The thing is, i wouldn't trade that experience for the world because i grew so much. I grew in ways that i couldn't even imagine, because i came to a point where i gave up my pride and asked for my Heavenly Fathers help me to see past it all and help to put it all together again. I wish i could explain how much i know that our Heavenly Father loves us all and knows how to succor our needs. Don't be afraid to take a chance, what's the worst thing that can happen...but then again, what's the best thing that can happen? Truth is, love isn't the thing that hurts, it's the thing that makes everything like that worth it. Better to have love and lost then to have never loved at all.
I discovered good music throughout these last couple of years and discovered a lot about myself. Hope is one of the best gifts that i have been given, because even in some of the hardest moments of my life within the last two years i somehow knew that eventually it would be ok. It would be better than ok! I also realized that i'm really honest with my feelings and when i'm not i can't find peace. I feel like i'll blow at any moment. Peace for me is for everyone to be on the same page, to tell you what i'm thinking, i don't think there is any point in pretending everything is ok when really you can just talk about it and make it actually better.
My family and the Gospel have become two of the most important things in my life. My testimony has been tried and tested, but i know that without at doubt that i love this Gospel and it's true. It is so true. The Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ, there are Prophets alive on this earth, and our Heavenly Father knows us all individually. He hears prayers, let me tell you. He has given me comfort in some of the craziest times in my life, and courage to do His will even when i know it might bring temporary pain. I know that without a doubt that He is there for me when i face my trials and that nothing is too hard with His help. I've realized that when i feel the most alone it's my own doing, and He is still there, waiting for me to let Him in again. My family. I love my family so so much, and I am so thankful that I have them for the Eternities. My parents are crazy and i love them, they are full of so much wisdom. Sometimes we frustrate each other, but i know that they are always there for me and i love them so much. My sister, heavens. She drives me nuts, but I know that everything she does is out of love. My brother, i love how no matter what he makes me laugh and is super protective of me even if he pretends that sometimes he's not.
I've found what i love and what i could do all day. I took the class about a year and a half ago on a whim, just for a couple of extra credits. Now i'm hooked for life! Theatre Makeup is my passion, i could honestly do it all day. I love learning new teqniques and playing around. It's challenging, and honestly really daunting because sometimes i feel like i'll never be good enough. When i hear that voice i remind myself that everyone had to start somewhere. Once, the makeup artists that i look up to were exactly where i was, intimidated but ready to do whatever it took. When i start a project i just lose myself and get into flow, suddenly the world melts around me and nothing else matters. Meeting new people, working under pressure, constantly trying to think of how to fix problems with whatever you have, and seeing the final product. perfection.
Sometimes it's kind of scary to think of the future, but with everything that i've experienced within the last two years, i'm kind of excited. Why? Because life is a fickle little thing, sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's fantastic. And let me tell you, when it's fantastic i can't imagine that it can get better then Heavenly Father proves to me it can. As for the hard times? I've learned so much and grown in unbelievable ways that i would never trade for anything. So here is to the future. Here is to the unknown, here is to making the best of what you are given.
2 years ago
Today